The Saffron Robe With A Slit!

 

With utmost sincere respect and obeisance to all the great saints who have embarked on the beautiful yet challenging Yogic path to realise their true selves, completely disciplined, detached and devout.

Entharo mahanubhavulu, antharikki vandhanamulu.. 

Friends from college & work, know my love for khadi, linen, cotton & raw silk - natural fabrics essentially! Doesn’t come as a surprise, being the daughter of the most well-dressed woman I grew up watching. Uma, my Amma, worked as the Superintendent of the Kanchipuram Silk Weavers Co-operative Society with the Department of Handlooms & Textiles. Later on in life, some love for chiffons blossomed as well but that is just occasional wear.

This year for my birthday upon a friend’s recommendation, I decided to explore a Japan-based website to buy some clothes, online (which I am usually not comfortable doing ). Found this simple dress, what looked like a safe, clean-cut, burnt orange coloured one ( somewhere read ‘orange is the new black ‘ 😂) & ordered it ..

A few days later, late one bright summer morning, the doorbell rang & Appa said ‘ Mali ( short of Shyamali ~ the way he likes to call me at times) .. as usual, a parcel for you ‘! 

As I opened the bag, I was in for a surprise! The colour of the dress was not a burnt orange the petite Japanese model wore, but a proper saffron against my dusky skin. 

My heart started racing. Is this a sign from the Universe? Having been on the yogic path over the past few years, of late there’s been a lot of contemplation about how the Supreme Truth is all that matters and also about Brahmacharya & Sanyasa. The study of Vedanta, the Mahavakyas, and the Advaita philosophy expounded by Adi Shankaracharya, at the ashram & later studying Tattvabodha, with my teachers from Uttarkashi, has led to a lot of contemplation and introspection. The teachings are so profound and when first exposed to this knowledge, threw me off gear completely. And since then it’s been a battle within…

Coming back to the dress, as I unfolded it fully & wore it to see if the size was right, I saw something… & what was that ?! A slit riding up to the knee !! And I burst out laughing! 

This depicted the battle precisely! 

& there it was, The saffron robe with a slit! 

As much as I see my days are just filled with asana practice, pranayama, meditation, teaching yoga & more teaching, attending Veda mantra chanting classes, Tattva Bodha study on weekends, amidst other domestic duties, a routine which sometimes appals my friends, I also know the other side to me.

I look at my toes with my nails neatly painted, and the next courier guy delivers some organic incense & candles .. and Later I am ready to do something to hide my greys & then even later get busy browsing, checking out organic brands that stock nice Yoga wear, looking for table linen to match the curtains, looking for table availability at the new cafe for a weekend lunch meet with friends .. & wait, I must mention that song on repeat mode (from the Fahadh Fasil movie )! 😅

The battle is real! 

& So, here I shall be with you all .. speaking my mind on this blog, my learnings, unlearning, experiences, trails, travels, over-enthusiastic attempts, thoughts, climbs, the falls, & more, as I tread,on this beautiful road called Life! 

Amidst prying eyes, expectations, and people quick to judge every move of a spiritual seeker, especially one who’s been a single mom for way too long, there was fear indeed. 

It is work, to constantly be aware of any instance where I could become impatient. It is work to always be aware that I am not the doer, & just an instrument, which ensures the ego doesn’t rise its head up. To accept my own dark past, and my own current weaknesses/limitations, despite the knowledge that I need never to please anyone .. It is effort till it gets to a stage where it’s effortless. 

Yes, I am a Yoga practitioner/teacher/seeker/student/mother/daughter/sister/friend. Yet I am also a human walking my own path. It is indeed filled with questions, concerns, occasional anxiety and more. And yes I feel happy in the day-to-day too! 

I am sure, my fellow yogis will agree on the battle tween staying awake through the morning Satsang at the Ashram & trying to excitedly guess the brunch menu as we approach the dining hall! 😆

The battle is real Yo! & the battle is within .. & it’s fought with Ahimsa to my own self first .. & it starts with acceptance of my own self as I am, being aware of the setbacks,  making progress slowly and staying grounded. 

I am unique and yet I am the same! 

That, I am ..